


see how they run

by lutzaussi



Category: Naruto
Genre: Alternate Universe, Dogs, Kakashi is a Disgusting Gremlin, Kakashi is a Mailman, M/M, See Spot Run AU
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-25
Updated: 2017-07-25
Packaged: 2018-12-06 15:26:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,113
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11603451
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lutzaussi/pseuds/lutzaussi
Summary: Kakashi is supposed to be a mailman, not an unpaid babysitter. And a dog? Hell no, this is not what he signed up for!





	see how they run

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Unseelieknight](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Unseelieknight/gifts).



It is a fact well-known that, one, Kakashi hates dogs, and two, that Kakashi has been thirsting for Iruka Umino, aka his single-hot-dad-next-door-neighbor for years.

Yeah, the things intersect, and not in a way which Kakashi likes in any way at all. For one? Letting a _child_ into his apartment for a couple days? That’s a disaster waiting to happen, not to mention the fact that Gai is out of town for a competition and is therefore not able to defend all of his Wade Whimsies from the hands of a tiny child. Kakashi has decided that maybe this is all a bad idea when two of the American Heritage figures meet their untimely demises. Thank fuck Yamato hangs all of his stupidly intricate birdhouses from the ceiling, and high enough that people shorter than six feet can’t reach them.

Then! Oh, fucking _then_. Kakashi in no way signed up to have a dog, particularly a _massive_ one, appearing in his goddamn truck like ghost or something. A German Shepherd or whatever, Kakashi doesn’t like it _at all_.

God, Kakashi even accidentally names the damn thing “Biscuit”.

-

He tries to convince Naruto that keeping the dog is a bad idea. Truthfully, it sorta is; even if he _liked_ dogs being a mailman means long hours away from home, and he doesn’t exactly want to leave a dog with all of the weird shit that he and Gai have accumulated.

But then Naruto looks at him with watery eyes, sniffles, and Kakashi finds himself letting boy and dog into his apartment.

 _im a fucking sucker_ , he texts Yamato when they’re inside and the dog has gone to the window to do like, surveillance or something.

 _please tell me u haven’t killed the kid_ , is Yamato’s reply. Typical from the cop.

 _no but he found a dog and now i have a dog?_ Kakashi can’t focus on texting after that because Naruto has decided that force, more specifically electrocution, is the only way to convince Kakashi to let him keep the dog.

-

They haven’t burnt the apartment building down so Kakashi considers that a plus, but given that the negatives have done nothing but pile up he’s not holding his breath.

In fact, maybe that would help. Maybe having the building burn down would solve the rest of their problems. God fucking knows that when Iruka gets back he’s going to be very unhappy and god fucking help them all when Iruka gets back for that same reason. Kakashi will be the first to admit that socially he’s very much a disaster and it was probably a mistake for him to watch Naruto, but the little guy has grown on him. But really, what was he thinking?

He wasn’t, apparently, Kakashi decides when Naruto insists that they take Biscuit to the park. Maybe he had been struck by a sudden fever. Maybe Yamato had actually roofied him for shits and giggles, ignoring the fact that Yamato has been in NYC for a month.

-

It would have been a perfect bonding moment, had the dog actually understood that it was supposed to fetch, but by the time they get back to the apartment it’s too damned late to deal with dogs and he’s sick of everything. Aaaaand, of course. The dog needs to go out to take a shit at a time when nobody in their right mind should be awake.

It’s whatever. He’s used to being up at stupid hours since he spent most of college on the graveyard shift at Dominos. Kakashi sits on the retaining wall while the dog does his thing, doesn’t even realize he’s fallen asleep until he hears the door to the front of the building shut. Instant panic; he didn’t bring his key out and had just shoved someone’s old newspaper in the door so it wouldn’t close.

And even more panic when he thinks the dog is fucking _gone_. Then he sees the piece of shit inside the building and groans.

There seems to be two ways it can go; he can either sit around until someone else comes to unlock the door, or he can take matters into his own hands.

The latter, of course.

-

So he has dog shit on his boxers, whatever, it doesn’t matter once he’s inside and the cops are gone. Naruto is back asleep within minutes, the dog all but standing watch over him, leaving Kakashi to clean up and retire to his own room.

It doesn’t feel like he sleeps long because he really doesn’t; Naruto has so far tended to wake up at ungodly early hours and the new day proves no different. He has deliveries to make for the first half or so of the day, and by the time they make it out to the beach it’s already midafternoon. It’s still too cold to go in the water but Kakashi is a stubborn sonuvabitch and refuses to let the dog continue not playing.

Naruto is disappointed by it, for god’s sake, and for some reason that makes Kakashi even more disappointed.

After a rather hefty throw of a ball on Naruto’s part, and a refusal to go get said ball on Biscuit’s part, Kakashi squats and takes the dog’s head in his hands. Pep talks have never been his specialty, but he can always try.

“Listen up, Biscuit,” he says, and he doesn’t think he’s imagining how intently the dog looks at him, “I don’t have time for this. And I know you don’t like me. You’re your own dog, and that’s cool, but this is about the kid. See, his dad keeps him on a very short leash, you know what I’m saying? And I want the kid to have some fun. So, come on, let’s _go_ ,” Kakashi stands, making a hand motion like the dog is supposed to go to where Naruto is dejectedly picking up the tennis ball. “ _Come on_ , let’s have some _fun_.”

That doesn’t do it. Part of Kakashi is surprised, part of him disappointed when Naruto walks back to them and says, “Let’s just go.”

Kakashi gives Biscuit a look, and says, “I’m disappointed,” while hooking the leash to his collar.

It only takes them a few steps to catch up to Naruto, and then a literal miracle happens. The heavens open; angels smile on them, as Biscuit licks Naruto’s arm and goes for the ball in the kid’s hand.

“What’s he doing?” Naruto asks, holding the ball up in confusion.

“I dunno, try throwing it,” Kakashi says, unclipping the leash.

Naruto throws it, and Biscuit runs to catch it.

The dog can go damn fast and jump damn high, and an hour later they’re laughing as they head back to the Jeep. Biscuit is barely even panting, and looks like he’s smiling while they walk.

“He isn’t broken!” Naruto says, smiling and hugging Biscuit around the neck, and Kakashi finds himself smiling in return.

“No, he’s a smart dog,” Kakashi says, loads both of them up in the back of his Jeep. “Let’s go get him a bone or treat or whatever dogs eat, yeah?”

“Yeah!” Naruto crows.

-

Kakashi isn’t really sure how they get from the pet store to the police precinct near the apartment building, but it’s been a long day and he’s pretty sure that when he reports on the mob guys he isn’t hallucinating any of it. His ass still feels like it has sea urchins embedded in it, anyway.

Honestly it’s just a relief to get back to the apartment after that, feed the kid and dog dinner and tuck Naruto in on the couch. It’s amazing how much energy the kid has, Kakashi muses as he cleans up the kitchen. He honestly can’t really fathom how Iruka does it, working full-time and raising a kid. Iruka must be rubbing off on him, too, because looking around the apartment gives him this ridiculous urge to clean up. There’s stuff all over the floor and tables.

He sighs, pick up the worst offenders, and heads to bed, ignoring the mess that is his bedroom. It’s not like anyone goes in there anyway.

Kakashi’s halfway through an interesting article on robotics in the month’s Scientific American when Naruto, trailed by Biscuit, walks into his room. “I can’t sleep,” the kid announces.

“Why not, kiddo?”

“I had a bad dream.”

“’bout what?” Kakashi full sits up, so the kid’ll have room to get on the bed.

As if on cue, Naruto throws himself on the bed, bounces and climbs under the comforter, “Incineroar tried to burn me and I had to run away.”

“Who’s Incineroar?” Kakashi asks, setting the magazine down.

“A Pokémon,” Naruto says, rolling his eyes as though Kakashi is dumb.

“I didn’t know there was a Pokémon named Incineroar,” Kakashi says, and Naruto rolls his eyes again.

“There’s like eight hundred of them, you’re old,” Naruto proclaims, like he’s the absolute expert on this. Kakashi has to bite back a laugh.

“Do they still name ‘em after what they do?” Kakashi asks, because he does vaguely remember when the show started airing. Charizard was his _shit_.

“Of course,” Naruto says, and this time it isn’t really so much as it is eager.

“So if you were a Pokémon…you’d be snotty-nose-achu,” Kakashi says. Naruto’s laughing so that’s something.

“You’d be stinky-feet-achu!” the kid replies.

They laugh for a moment, before the ungodly stench of a rank fart rips through the room. Naruto covers his face with his hands, and Kakashi waves his hand, trying to clear the smell.

“I take that back, you’d be fart-in-bed-achu,” Kakashi says, wishing he was wearing the face mask he normally did for work.

Naruto shakes his head, not removing his hands from his face. His voice is muffled when he says, “That wasn’t me.”

“Well it wasn’t me,” Kakashi says. It dawns on him then, “Hey, if it wasn’t me, and it wasn’t you…” They both look over at Biscuit and laugh. The dog puts it head down on the bed, looks at them with his big brown eyes.

“Do you like my dad?” Naruto asks, out of the blue, and Kakashi chokes for a second.

“Yeah,” he finds himself saying, “yeah, I really do.”

“Why don’t you marry him?” Is the follow-up question, and either this kid is delusional or very, very smart.

“Whoa, uh, well,” Kakashi wishes he could change the subject but the kid is looking _real_ intently at him, “marriage is a really big step and you’ve gotta know each other really well before you do that.”

He barely finishes before Naruto says, “You’d be my fun dad, ‘cause you’re fun.”

“You think so?” again, Kakashi’s mouth is working without the input of his brain, but the kid has begun to mean a lot to him. Naruto laughs, smiles, and that’s as obvious a “yes” as him saying it.

-

Naruto has just fallen asleep when the pounding on the front door begins. Kakashi has time to grab his bathrobe before what seems like an entire squad of FBI and police descend into the house.

A woman who had perfunctorily introduced herself as Anko has him and Naruto looking through a folder of mug shots to identify the two goons who had destroyed their trip to the pet shop (the blonde guy and the goggles dude, he remembers their faces), and in another ten minutes the other FBI agent, a burly guy, has put a collar on Biscuit and is dragging the dog out of the door.

To say Naruto is sad would be an understatement, the kid cries himself to sleep and then wakes up angry. By the time Kakashi gets a call from Iruka, he’s had enough of the dog and the kid and _sweet fucking Jesus_ his foot hurts from Naruto stomping on it and he. Maybe snaps. Just a little.

Within minutes he regrets it but mostly he regrets snapping at the kid, because Naruto’s still young and he has a parent, he has a place in the world and there’s no reason Kakashi should have been telling him that didn’t matter.

So once he has a bag of frozen peas to ice his foot with, Kakashi calls back to the bedroom, “Hey, Naruto, truce, okay? I’m sorry about what I said.”

Silence.

“You hear me, kid? I said truce?”

More silence. Kakashi looks back over the back of the couch, sees that the bedroom door is open and empty. “Where…?” he looks around, and when he sees that the front door of his apartment is open he panics, throws the peas into the kitchen on his way out. He nearly mows right over one of his neighbors and doesn’t even realize that he’s saying, “My kid! I lost my kid!”

-

It’s much easier to cover ground in a car, and Kakashi works out from the apartment building in his Jeep until he sees the familiar blond head near the park.

“Hey, Naruto, I thought you were _dead,_ get in the car,” he says. Naruto sniffles, continues walking. “Come on, kid, get in the car.”

“I’m goin’ to find Biscuit,” Naruto says.

“How are you going to find him? Think you’re a detective?” that earns him a glare.

He parks the Jeep, follows the kid to a tree near the soccer fields, where Naruto is sitting.

“Naruto, why’d you run away?” Kakashi asks.

That earns him another, more half-hearted glare. “Why do you care? You don’t want me.”

“What? No, Naruto, that wasn’t how I meant it,” Kakashi says. Fuck, kid must be talking about some things he had stupidly said to Iruka. Naruto looks at him, and the glare is gone. He mostly just looks confused, and a little lost. “Sometimes when you’re mad, it doesn’t come out like you want it to.”

Naruto considers that for a moment, picks at his jeans, looks back up at Kakashi. “Do you miss Biscuit?”

“Yeah, I really do,” Kakashi says, and the words don’t hurt nearly as much as he thought they would. “Hey, I’m really glad we got to hang out. I’m glad we became pals.” And, for good measure, “I didn’t mean what I said to your dad, not even a little bit. Think you could forgive me?”

Naruto actually stands up and hugs him, complete with pats to the back, says, “It’s okay, Kakashi. I’m glad we’re friends.”

“Me too.”

And, as all meaningful moments are, it’s ruined a few seconds later, when Kakashi recognizes the car of the mob guys and actually physically picks Naruto up and throws him into the Jeep.

-

How they get back to the apartment is sort of a mystery even to Kakashi, and he’s just trying to get to the landline because he has no clue where his cell is when another freak steps out with the burly FBI agent wrapped in duct tape in front of him.

The day goes from bad to worse at that point when the goons also appear in Kakashi’s apartment, and he’s considering that maybe he should just get rid of everything and start over somewhere far away when movement catches his eye. In his bedroom, Biscuit slowly starts forward.

“Hey, mister mob boss guy?” Kakashi says over the various voices talking. Surprisingly, they quiet and the guy with the eyepatch and the cane looks at him. “I wouldn’t make any sudden movements if I were you.”

“Oh, you wouldn’t? Why not?” the man asks.

“’cause I don’t think Biscuit would like that,” Kakashi returns, and sudden realization dawns on everyone in the room, except for the boss guy.

“And who is Biscuit?” he asks.

“Biscuit!” Naruto yells, and the dog growls.

-

All said and done, once Kakashi’s gotten rid of the rugs and the couch, cleaned the hardwood twice, and taken three showers after holding a man’s amputated _testicle_ in his hand, the most terrifying thing he encountered was not dogs, nor the FBI, nor the mob goons, but Iruka. Typical, really.

It is sort of depressing, though, to have the kid completely out of his life after spending a week together. Kakashi misses him. Hell, Biscuit misses him, it’s plain as day.

They’re out at the park a week after the whole mob-boss-fiasco, Kakashi trying to finish some Melville, Biscuit for the most part running around or lying next to him until the dog up and disappears. Kakashi doesn’t notice the disappearance, but he does notice the reappearance, mostly because Biscuit has a halfway-nice leather wallet in his mouth and there is no way in _hell_ Kakashi is going to let his dog steal from people.

But then he hears the familiar shriek of “Biscuit!” and Naruto jumps onto his back.

“Hey, kid!” Kakashi says, tugs his face-mask down, actually smiling at the kid, “What’s up? Tryin’ to jump me?”

Naruto just giggles and makes a beeline for Biscuit, who starts licking his face. But Kakashi isn’t paying attention to that, because Iruka’s walked up, and he looks nowhere near as angry as he had the week before.

“So, uh, you two turning to a life of crime?” he points between Kakashi and Biscuit, who is now rolling on his back.

“Oh! Uh, here,” Kakashi hands the wallet over to him, feeling immensely awkward. He buries his hands in his pockets.

“So!” Iruka says, once his wallet is back in his pocket, “You’re a hero now, Naruto keeps telling me how you and Biscuit saved him from the “bad guys”. I mostly thought he was exaggerating because he likes you so much.”

“No, uh, yeah that actually happened,” Kakashi says, runs a hand through his hair. He hitches a thumb to point at Biscuit, “He’s a former FBI agent.”

“Yeah, I know, I checked it out,” Iruka says. There’s silence for a few moments and just as Kakashi is planning to say good day and head off, Iruka speaks again. “I did want to say that I jumped the gun a little and came to some untrue conclusions about you and I was wondering if. Uh. You want to give this another shot.”

Kakashi can feel his brain breaking in half. “You mean,” he gestures with one hand between them, “us?”

“Yeah, the two of us,” Iruka says. Damn, he looks nice when he smiles.

Kakashi considers, looks from father to son and smiles himself. “Well, if you make it the three of us, I’m in.”

The smile that Iruka bestows on Kakashi is beatific, but it’s also a little funny when Biscuit barks and he jumps. “Four! Yeah, four of us,” Iruka says, laughing and kneeling to pet the dog. “I think we can do that”


End file.
